


First We Take Akihabara

by psychomachia



Category: Sword Art Online Abridged
Genre: Cat Cafés, Gen, Post-Canon, Taking Over the World, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:21:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28298877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychomachia/pseuds/psychomachia
Summary: Fluffles gets back to the real world.It's not ready for him.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 18
Collections: Yuletide 2020





	First We Take Akihabara

**Author's Note:**

  * For [etothey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/etothey/gifts).



The one with the glasses must be the smartest of the gaggle of girls because she eyes him with great suspicion.

“Nya,” Fluffles says and blinks innocently, winding his way around her ankles. He checks for vulnerabilities – the bone structure seems fairly stable, but the socks are thin and she wobbles a little when he nudges against her right foot. She'd be easy to trip, he thinks, and rubs against her even more enthusiastically.

“Rika,” one of her friends says. “Stop looking so scared! Look at him! He's such a lover!”

“Aw, isn't he though,” another one coos. “You're a good boy, aren't you?”

I'm really not, Fluffles thinks, and allows himself a smug little smile. Luckily, for him, it's his default expression, and absolutely fucking adorable on him.

“He's up to something,” Rika says. “I don't trust cats.”

“Rika--”

“And besides,” she continues. “Everyone knows dogs are better.”

He won't claw her. Not yet. That's the mark of a short-sighted, petty villain.

A dog, in other words.

He purrs and schemes for tomorrow.

* * *

It all begins with the cat café.

Yes, it's a step down from his previous plans, but there was only so far he could go in Aincrad and really, boiling people alive in oil gets old very quickly once the initial screaming stops. Also, the King of Ashes snored.

Loudly.

It was almost a relief when he was yanked back. Almost, because now he doesn't have access to magical weaponry or a dozen credulous soldiers.

Instead, it's claws and social media, which will have to do for now.

He follows a number of ex-SAO players, unfollows the majority of them three seconds later when he realizes that they are completely useless to him.

He still keeps an eye on Kirito, though.

After all, what's a little stabbing and attempted cliffside homicide but a way to say, “you matter to me and also, I definitely subscribe to your ideas of intellectual gamesmanship bathed in blood?”

His owners are of course, oblivious to his little sojourn. They're too busy crying in relief that Timmy is back to notice that hey, your cat that somehow also got a NervGear is alive and well and a feared leader of the criminal underworld.

It's just as well. No scrutiny means he can set his plans into motion.

First, he acts out. Not enough to get them to send him away or worse, snuggle with him. Instead, he mews plaintively at the window at strangers. He runs to the door and scratches at it, then pretends he doesn't know what they're talking about when they open it.

He lays on Timmy's chest in the middle of the night and bats at his face anytime he tries to move.

“I don't know how he got in, Mom,” Timmy says. “I locked the door.”

Pfft, Fluffles thinks. If a mere object of wood could stop him, he wouldn't be worthy of his title.

“Maybe he needs some stimulation?” the mother says. “He must have been so lonely while you were--”and then she breaks into tears.

Nope, but Fluffles can't say that, so he settles for jumping up on the counter and ever so delicately knocking the most fragile china to the floor.

“Well, he's a nuisance,” the father says and scowls. “We should just--”

“We're not getting rid of Fluffles!” Timmy bursts into tears and clutches Fluffles to his chest. He's tempted to draw blood, but that would be counterproductive at this juncture and so he settles for going limp and making a pitiful cry.

Steven luckily is the voice of semi-reason and falls exactly into Fluffles' trap. “You know, I have this friend,” he says, looking shifty. “He like to go to cat cafés. Not that I've ever been to one to pet cats or anything because they're soft and cute and fluffy, but--” He stops. “So like, maybe they might need a cat?”

Yes, Fluffles thinks and resists the urge to rub his paws together. Everything is falling into place.

* * *

“Fine,” Kayaba says. “I can probably move around some money from one of the accounts I still have left.”

“Nya.”

“Yes, yes, it'll be untraceable. What kind of idiot do you take me for?”

“Nya. Nya.”

“Now look, you know it wasn't entirely my fault. Bethesda cut our budget, forced us to crunch, and rushed out the product before it even hit QA. I didn't even get my bonus because of them.”

“Nya.”

“I'm working on that too,” Kayaba says. “But it looks like Kirito and Asuna are already ahead of me on that one. I'm positive they'll make his life miserable. They did a bang-up job with mine.”

“Nya.”

They both laugh at that. “You're absolutely right, Fluffles. You know, for all your treachery, backstabbing, and leaving hairballs where I could step on them, you were one of the better captains. It's probably a sign of my inevitable failure that you were the smartest one.”

“Nya nya nya. Nya. Nya!”

“Oh, you brilliant son of a bitch,” Kayaba says. “I knew you got my references.”

Fluffles allows himself to smugly lick one of his paws. “Nya?

“Sure.” There's the sound of someone rifling through paper. “Next week. You bring the snacks and I'll finalize the transfer.”

“Nya.”

“I'm kind of burnt out on Pictionary. How about Settlers of Catan?”

Fluffles hangs up.

* * *

He swipes at Steven's ears before he can put the headset on.

“Ow, Fluffles.” Steven gingerly reaches up to touch his head and comes away with blood on his hand. “You didn't have to scratch so hard.”

Fluffles pointedly digs his claws into Steven's legs, wedging himself like a squat immoveable object on Steven's lap. He stares at Steven, not letting himself blink even once.

“Seriously?” Steven points at the box. “It's not like it's going to happen again. This time, they worked out all the bugs.”

Fluffles whaps Steven on the nose. He has to learn.

“Damn it!” Steven says, muffled as he cups his hands to his face. “If I want to--”

“Nya.”

“But--”

“Nya.”

“Fine,” Steven says, resigned. He tosses his copy of ALO to the floor. “I guess I'll just miss out on the wonderful world of aerial combat and tactical race wars.”

Good, Fluffles thinks. Let Steven go headshot a noob, teabag a corpse, or talk shit until he's banned. It's far less dangerous than fairies.

Don't get him wrong. It's not like he cares for them or anything. But who's going to feed him if they're not around? He doesn't want to use his earnings for basic household necessities.

He's got bigger plans than that.

* * *

“You asshole!”

Kirito points a finger at Fluffles, his expression dark and accusing. “I knew you made it out.”

Fluffles launches himself at Kirito, landing onto his shoulder and latching on. They both land on the floor, Fluffles making sure that Kirito is the one that takes the brunt of the impact.

Kirito's temporarily winded and sputtering, so Fluffles moves over to his neck, lets his face get close to Kirito's. One good swipe to his throat--

He bends down and nuzzles Kirito's face instead, lets his scent mark his face. Death is too simple. Letting Kirito know that he owns him for the rest of his life, or until he takes a shower, is far more effective.

Eventually, Kirito manages to stop choking on fur and catch his breath. “So what do you want?”

“Nya?”

“Oh, don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about,” Kirito hisses. “I know you're up to something. You wouldn't be acting like some fluffy furbrain unless you had a master plan.”

Fluffles deliberately ignores him and begins washing his face, his back claws still firmly embedded in Kirito's chest.

“Fine, don't tell me,” Kirito says. “But you know I'm right. I'm always right. You wouldn't have invested in my foundation otherwise.”

“Nya.”

“So that's what it is.” Kirito's eyes get sharp. “You're calling in your favor.”

Fluffles jumps off him, allows Kirito to struggle to a sitting position. “Nya,” he says firmly. “Nya.”

“I'm not going to do that!”

“Nya.”

“No. You can go to--”

“Nya.”

“You leave Asuna out of this,” Kirito tries to grab Fluffles, fails horribly as Fluffles easily evades him. “We both know that she's still trapped--”

“Nya.”

“Well, of course, I'm sure she'll make him regret it, but that doesn't mean--”

“Nya.”

“Fine.” Kirito looks resigned. “I'm guessing if I say no, you'll call in your minions. I'm seen your feed.” He snorts. “You know they're only there for your videos.”

Fluffles lets his eyes get big, lets out a gratuitous purr. “Nya.”

They exchange a look of mutual understanding, and in Kirito's case, grudging respect.

He takes out his phone. “So what did you want me to post?”

* * *

“Kirito!” There's a maniacal cackle as the man steps into the dim lamplight. “So you've decided to stop running and hiding behind your computer screen! Excellent!”

Silence. Fluffles makes sure to stay hidden.

“Kirito? Don't tell me that you've decided to run after all the shit you talked to me! You're really such a coward?”

Maybe just another few seconds. Timing is important.

“Kirito!”

Fluffles steps out into the light, makes sure it hits his fur just so. He's groomed himself to perfection, and he gleams.

The King of Ashes looks confused for a second. “What the--?” Then Fluffles can see it hit him, see his look of dawning horror. “Fluffles?”

“Nya.” He takes another step forward, puffs out his tail. “Nya.”

“How did you find that out? No one knows my name!” Taro starts backing up, stumbling as he slips on the loose rocks. “I didn't even use it when I signed up.”

Fluffles rolls his eyes. “Nya.”

“Hey!” Taro protests. “If I'm such an idiot, then how did I become one of the greatest villains the game has ever seen?”

“Nya,” Fluffles explains patiently. “Nya nya. Nya.”

Taro's eyes are horrified. “But—no, it was my idea. My plan. My—”

“Nya.”

“No.” Taro's back his the wall as Fluffles keeps walking calmly towards him. “It couldn't have been you all along.”

“Nya.” Fluffles waits until it truly hits Taro, until he's sliding down to the ground, his body going weak with the realization of just who was in charge. “Nya.”

But it's not over yet. He knows Taro, knows that he'll make one last rally. He doesn't disappoint. “Well, we're in the real world,” he says, bravado coming into his voice. “You're just a cat. You can't do--”

“Nya.”

It's not him saying it.

Fluffles waits for the others to come out of the shadows, white and ginger and striped. So many cats, all of them willing to fight for him, to follow his commands.

In SAO, Fluffles had to rely on humans.

He won't make the same mistake twice.

“No,” Taro whispers, a last defeated gasp.

“Nya.”

* * *

Rika smiles contentedly.

“See,” her friends say. “Isn't he the best?”

“He really is,” she says dreamily. “Such a good cat.”

Fluffles purrs, then catches the eye of a passing waiter.

“Can I get you something, miss?” he asks Rika, his voice catching on the last word. It's a little awkward, but Fluffles is generous.

Taro is still learning after all, and he has all the time in the world to get used to his new position.

“Oh, I'm fine.” Rika still beams, and gently scratches Fluffles' head. He rewards her by bumping into her hand. “But I think Fluffles might want something.”

I want everything, Fluffles thinks. But I'll settle for some fish right now.

He's a cat after all.

And everyone will learn exactly what that means.


End file.
